Figuring out what your and your spouse’s Love Language is can be a fun way to express your love. But once you know what your prefered Love Languages are, what next?
To further simplify Love Languages and provide tangible application in our marriages, I’ll give you a few examples for each category. You’ll be a pro in no time!
If your spouse’s Love Language is quality time, think about what they like to do with you. Do they like just being with you? Do they love a movie marathon? What about an extra date night out to dinner then a play? A spouse whose primary Love Language is quality time, they love to be around you, and they want you to want to be around them so much so that you prioritize it above other non-important and non-urgent things.
So get your calendar and together schedule some much-needed 1:1 time (sans kids and pets). Do you want to really show your quality time spouse that you love them? Follow through with your scheduled hangout times. It might be helpful to consider these times together as mini-dates. It’s that important to quality time people. Talk about the scheduled event before it happens. Let your spouse know you’re thinking about the time you’ll spend together and that you’re excited about it.
Words of Affirmation
If your spouse’s Love Language is words of affirmation, think about what they’ve said to you in the past regarding compliments you’ve given, cards you’ve written, or how you brag about them to others. Do you know what type of communication they want to hear from you? Do they want you to compliment the way they look? Encourage them in their career? Reaffirm your love and admiration for them? Do they want to feel respected and appreciated? Maybe all of the above?
Sit down with your spouse to learn how and the type of things they want to hear from you. If your spouse likes written communication, send a text to them during the day. You can buy a tiny mailbox from the dollar stores and leave little love notes in it. You can hide notes in their briefcase or lunchbox.
The notes and words don’t need to be monologues, they can be a few sincere words. If words of affirmation is your spouse’s Love Language, become a master at expressing all the things that you love, admire, and are grateful for in your spouse.
Acts of Service
This is one of the Love Languages that I think gets a bad rap. If your spouse’s Love Language is acts of service, don’t freak out. It’s not like they expect you to show them love by bringing them breakfast in bed each day, then feed them grapes and fan them the rest of the day (although I’m sure they’d take it). 🙂 Everyone needs a little help, they just want you to want to help.
I suggest you ask how and where your spouse wants you to help so you don’t exhaust yourself trying to show love in this way. It could be as simple as making dinner once a week to give your spouse a break. If your spouse does all the cooking, step in and do all the dishes. Laundry, errands, getting their car cleaned, doing a project with them, making the bed, cleaning up after yourself, making them breakfast or lunch before they leave for work, etc. are all things that fall under the acts of service Love Language.
A little pointer for husbands whose wives’ Love Language is Acts of Service, especially if you have kids still at home, and especially if you are the “messy” one, help her out. On days/nights when you’ve scheduled sex, sex will be much more enjoyable for both of you if your wife isn’t exhausted from cleaning and cooking and running errands, and carpooling everyone around. One idea is to make dinners easy on sex nights – pb & j or cereal for everyone. It may not be the healthiest meal, but your kids will survive, and it will free up time and energy for your wife to mentally and physically prepare for an amazing sexual experience with you.
Wives, if this is your husband’s Love Language, really reduce that “Honey Do” list and your daily tasks to the absolute bare essentials to leave time and energy for both of you to do things that would make him feel loved.
Gifts & Surprises
If your spouse’s Love Language is gifts and surprises, it kinda doesn’t matter what they get and when, they’ll just be excited that you thought of them. Did you go into the office today? Grab their favorite snack from the vending machine and bring it home to your spouse to show that you love them and were thinking about them during the day. Same if you go to the store, go on a trip, bring something home for your spouse.
Another fun idea is pick them up during the day and go for a walk, picnic, or somewhere romantic. Make your spouse a mixed cd or playlist with songs that remind you of them and the love you share. Food is always a good idea (I especially love gluten-free treats and bacon!)
Take turns planning your date nights so you can surprise your spouse. Book a hotel for a weekend stay-cation. Almost anything fun, adventurous, new, and anything you customize or add a special flare to is going to be a home run for the spouse whose Love Language is Gifts & Surprises.
If I can speak simply, usually for men this equates to sex, but it’s not limited to that. Wives, if your husband’s Love Language is touch, initiate sex, foreplay, and caressing with him. Hold his hand in public. Massage his head and neck in the car. Rub his shoulders and neck as you come to say hi. In fact, just plan on rubbing, caressing, kissing, or touching any and all of his body parts and he will feel loved. Seriously. Buuut, just in case, ask him what he thinks.
Men, if your wife’s Love Language is touch, plan on becoming the best snuggler there ever was! Play footsie with her under the table. Massage her back while you stand next to her as you talk. Give lots of hugs and kisses. Touch her in a way that says you care, not just that you want to have sex. Go to bed early enough so you can cuddle for a bit before you both fall asleep. Get amazing at fondling, foreplay, and arousing sex. Make sure she feels comfortable and satisfied throughout foreplay, sex, and after. Cuddling after sex is a must.
All of these Love Language styles will take practice, consistency, and a humble heart to try and keep trying. By focusing on your spouse’s Love Language, you will both be constantly reminding yourselves that your marriage is about loving a serving each other. Only awesome fruit can come from those types of characteristics.
I’m excited to hear how this journey goes for you, so keep me posted. Be gracious with each other when your spouse defaults to showing you love the way they want to receive it. It’s going to take some time.
Until next time,