Single & Sexless? How Long Have You Had That Problem?

Thought from my reader:
Dear Lindsey, it is hard to be single and I feel lonely A LOT… If I am being honest, I wish I were married by now.

My response:
Summertime in California sometimes makes it difficult for me to be holy and sexually pure. I am from Colorado where people wear parkas for the majority of the year. In San Diego however, summertime includes half-naked muscular guys at a beach! But keeping my thoughts pure is only one of the difficulties of being an older single woman during the summertime; the other is the lack of having a husband and a family to share it with. Summertime is more fun when you can share it with your loved ones.

Because I am single, and many of my best friends are married with kids, I am constantly asking God what He wants me to do with my free time (especially on the weekends). I don’t want to be busy, I want to be fruitful. I know God holds me accountable for my time and I don’t want to waste it by wishing I had something else (like a husband and a family). But sometimes being single feels lonely… and apparently it is starting to show.

This summer at my friend’s baby shower I met and (apparently) completely astonished a pregnant woman my age. She asked me what I do for a living and when I explained my book she said,

“Well, I would have never guessed that you are 32; you look so young! And I had no idea that you are a virgin and single; you don’t look like a virgin. I mean, you look so happy… and you are so pretty!”

I wasn’t sure how to respond to what seemed like a back-handed compliment, but then I realized what her words implied; single women my age tend to look sad, bitter, or depressed because they are lonely and want to be married.

Her words struck me. Not only do older single women tend to look haggard – which is never a good thing- but by looking depressed the chances of an older single woman ever getting asked out or married are dismal. Who wants to look like that? What guy wants to date a woman who looks like that?

I am not going to sugar-coat the truth, being a single 32 year old virgin can be hard, frustrating, and lonely at times. Recently I realized that I haven’t been asked on a date in over two years… and I am not getting any younger! At the times when I get sad, confused, or frustrated about my singleness, God always graciously reminds me that I am not alone; I have Him.

Although I sometimes wish I had a tall, dark-haired, muscular husband who I could love and make love to, it is in those times of loneliness and discouragement, that, if I am able to take my focus off of myself and redirect my focus to God, somehow He comforts me.

So, instead of feeling depressed and looking worn-down, how fun would it be for single women everywhere to totally revive what it means to be a single woman!

We don’t have to look haggard and we don’t have to feel like we are all “called to singleness.” Instead, we can be fruitful and useful so that when God is ready to bless us with a husband, we are ready! And if God never brings us a man, we won’t feel like we wasted our singleness. After all, God was the one who breathed life into us and He is the one who can take it away. If we spend all our time pining about our singleness, it’s not our time we are wasting, it is God’s!

Singleness is either making you bitter or better. Choose the latter!

This article was featured in Hope For Women Magazine:

For more information about about being sexy, sex, dating, relationships, and trusting God:
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No Sex in the City
Lindsey N. Isham
facebook: lindsey.isham
twitter: lindsey_isham

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