What if I Never Have SEX?

Recently I received an email from a 20 year old virgin (who is also saving sex for marriage), and she asked me: What if God has called you to never have sex? What if His will for you is to never marry? How would you respond to that?

I am sexually frustrated and have been for decades now, so I guess I will continue to pray, run on the elyptical machine and clean my house like crazy; these seem to be the only things that really help me handle my frustrations!

On a more serious note, I really don’t know what to do other than continue to trust God and His desires for my life more than I trust my own desires.

I thought I would be married by now, I mean, I never dreamed that I would still be single when the majority of my friends my age have kids in their tweens.

I don’t think it’s ever too late to get married, and as long as I am alive, there’s still a chance!

Do I want to get married and have a family? Totally!

Do I want to have sex with my husband and seduce him all the time? Um, yes.

But I rely on the fact that God’s ways truly are the best for me.

If His will for my life does not include marriage, I will trust Him.  I will probably wrestle with Him like Jacob did, but in the end, what else can I do but submit to His plan? God would definitely have to change my desires though… until He does, I will wait.

If I try to make something happen on my own, I will inevitably settle or compromise; what kind of marriage or sex life would that be?

I realize that I was not created solely for the purpose of having a fairytale wedding and marring a handsome prince. Although that plan sounds pretty good to me, God has plans for each of us that can include marriage and sex, but His plans are not limited to those things.

I can trust God because He is altogether selfless, good, and perfect; unfortunately, my desires are not as holy as His.

Many women (and men) are in my situation (single and desiring to marry) but for all of us, God asks us to devote our time -and our abundance of free time- to Him.

I am currently using my free time to:
*Finish my second book
*Learn how to play the guitar
*Work out and get my body in amazing shape

*Rest, read the Bible, and encourage other women
*Travel and go fun places like the People’s Choice Awards
*Have lots of fun!

… As hard as it may seem to be single, don’t waste your single years!

For more information about sex, dating, relationships, and trusting God:
~ Buy the Book ~
No Sex in the City
Lindsey N. Isham

  1. Thank you so much for writing your book “No Sex in the City.” I t has helped me so much!!!!! I am 27 and am still a virgin, by the grace of God. Thank you for being honest and saying what I ‘ve been feeling. I pray that God will continue to use you in helping single woman. I also will stand in agreement with you that your day will come and God will lead you to the man that He desires for you!!!!

    1. Thank you so much for your sweet and encouraging words Amber. And thank you also for being brave enough to obey God’s Word. I know it is not an easy path, but I believe God when He says that He will reward those who walk uprightly. Stand strong; and in grace and love continue to be a light and a hope to so many!


  2. Oh Lindsey! Thanks so much for writing this. I truly appreciate it. It is wonderful to know that I can have a big sister in Christ who can give me Godly inputs. I don’t know if that Mr. Right would ever come, and if my brothers see what I type on here, they might bash my head and roll their eyes at how “cheesy” I am. But I know that God is the author of my entire life, and He knows exactly what I have gone through, am going through, and will go through. Even if “he” never comes in my life, I’m sure that God has a purpose for that too. Maybe, I will be more effective as a single woman, than one who would be attached for God’s kingdom. Or maybe, I am just supposed to use this time/season of singleness to attune my life and my heart even close to God. Just like you said! I DON’T KNOW. But, I know that whatever His purposes are, then it is for my best. Proverbs 16:9 “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.” =) But I just want to bring my desires and my wants before the Lord, and hopefully, it is also what He has in mind for me. God bless you Lindsey! Thank you so much!

    It’s a safe thing to trust Him to fulfill the desire which He creates.
    – Amy Carmichael

    Much love from Canada <3

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.