What’s it Like to be a Thirty Year Old Virgin?


Well, it depends on the day, but seriously, I won’t lie, it’s not the easiest thing in the world to be a 30 year old virgin.
I am like any other girl who wants to get married, have sex with my husband, and have kids. I pray for my future husband, wherever he is. Sometimes I wonder what he’s doing and what is taking him so long to find me.

But I don’t always think about being 30 and single. I have a very fun life and I love living it. Yet…I won’t deny that thoughts like, why am I still single? pop into my head. Occasionally, when I see a family at the beach playing together with the husband hugging his wife, I think, that looks like a lot of fun!

If you are wondering if I wish I would have had sex by now, then the answer is “No.” I would wait another 30 years if I had to, if that is what it took to wait for my husband. He is the only one I want to share those things with.

59 Responses
  • Megan
    August 1, 2009

    It’s so encouraging to see that there’s somebody out there doing it by not ‘doing it’. I’m a high school girl and as a watch my friends drop off the abstinence bandwagon it becomes harder for me to remain strong on my own. I will not have sex before I get married and I will say it again but it’s just great to know there’s someone saying it with me. So I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being strong and for giving hope to single Christian women looking for sexy Christian men.

    • Lindsey Isham
      August 5, 2009

      You are not alone… I felt the same way so often… none of my close friends believed what I did until I was in college. God will totally bless you for waiting and I am convinced that I have been spared so much heartache because I have waited… that, and it’s fun to do things the way God says to! When you get tempted (and you will get tempted) to compromise… run, don’t walk, and get the heck outa there!

      Be the kind of woman today who your future husband is praying for!

      Live in such a way so that on your wedding day, when you are standing on that altar next to your future husband, you can honestly tell him that he was worth waiting for, and that you saved yourself for him. That will be such a blessing to him, to you, and to God!

      Sexy, godly guys are out there… and when God brings you yours, write me and tell me the story!


  • Tina
    August 15, 2009

    Thank you so much. Reading your book was like seeing my life in print. It feels good to know that I am not strange or alone.
    29 year old virgin (on purpose, not by accident).

    • Lindsey Isham
      August 15, 2009

      Stay strong Tina, you know you are worth it! And thank you so much for your encouraging words… You have made my day!

  • Amy
    August 19, 2009

    I love your book Lindsey! I find myself laughing and am surprised at how honest you are. You share your own experiences of waiting for God’s best in your life, which is awesome. I love how you expose what the non-single world says to single people, how there must be something wrong with us. I get the exact same responses from people that you mention. Thank you for encouraging me about how God DOES want to bring me someone and to NEVER settle. I highly encourage all single women, even if in a serious dating relationship, to read this book. It’s uplifting and just reminds us of what we should be looking for in a Godly man.

    • Lindsey Isham
      September 1, 2009

      Thank you for your kind words! I am so glad my book was able to give you hope to keep trusting God! He really is soooo dang good to us!

  • Lymaris
    September 13, 2009

    I just read a preview of your book in google books and I’m placing the order right now on an online Christian bookstore. I’m a 28 year old virgin also on purpose. I just hope God has somebody for me because honestly I’m tired to get home to an empty apartment and people can be so insensitive specially with the fact that my YOUNGER and only sister got married 2 years ago. Some days I’m Miss Faith and some days I feel God has forgotten me and I my faith goes away. I know I don’t sound like the pastor’s daughter; yes I’m the pastor’s daughter. I sometimes get mad at myself for not trusting enough and for the fact that I lowered my standards in the past and I think that’s why I’m still single. That’s why I’ve decided to let the Lord choose for me. I’m looking forward to read your book…

  • Chica de Dios - God's Girl
    September 21, 2009

    Lovely to see your ministry Lindsey and how God is using you…… I am a 37 year old virgin who totally loves Jesus – done a few bad things, but have saved that part for my husband…..and am asking as well: Does this really need to take this long. Cheer to you, my sister – the longer we wait the better it is going to be for us! That is how beautiful and awesome our God is! Blessings to you and all you are doing for so many!!

    • Lindsey Isham
      September 21, 2009

      Girl, I give you mad props for waiting… Praise the Lord that we know that He is in control and that He rewards those who are faithful… Keep on keepin’ on sista and hold tight to Gal. 6:9.



  • Lymaris
    September 22, 2009

    Let me tell you I got the book in the mail and I’m loving it! It really feels like you are reading my mind. Any plans on coming to Florida on tour??

  • David Hayman
    October 5, 2009

    Lymaris, I hope Lindsey goes to Florida just for you! Being the pastors daughter doesn’t make you any stronger than anyone else – that’s how the Lord sees it, so be of good courage! I’m a minister’s son so understand what you’re saying. Continue in faith, because the Lord is faithful (Heb 6:10), he will never let you down. Jesus died for you so that you could live with him day by day (1Thes 5:9-11) so let us make the most of THAT opportunity – you’re not alone in that apartment girl! God bless.. Check out my Dad’s website http://www.jesuslovesyoumission.com for plenty of encouragement..

  • Tara
    October 7, 2009

    I watched your interview on tv and thought that you were funny yet honest. In three months I will be a 30 year old virgin (on purpose also)… its good to hear from people like you and I don’t feel alone or like an outcast. Thanks for making my day!

    • Lindsey Isham
      October 21, 2009

      Great job Tara! Honestly, it’s funny to be honest sometimes, especially about being a 30 year old virgin… but it is so worth it!

      Thanks for making my day too!

  • amanda!
    October 8, 2009

    Wow ok so I am a 23 yr old virgin, and I just graduated from college, and am the only single girl I know of. I’m ordering your book right now, because honestly? I’m starting to wonder if its worth it… I’ve dated 5 guys, NOT slept with any of them, and am waiting for some hero of a man to come into my life. I’ve gotten involved in church life, traveled on mission trips to 10 different countries, held all kinds of different jobs, i.e. I’ve lived! I’ve experienced friendships and relationships and I’m at a lost to know what to do now while I wait.

  • Nikki
    October 9, 2009

    I don’t find it conincidental that I was unable to sleep and decided to watch JCtv just in time to see your interview. I will make it a point to get your book as soon as possible. I’m a 26-year old Christian girl and it blesses my soul to hear of someone like you. You are stunning, and obviously a wonderful woman. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who prays for my future husband and wonders what in the world he is doing! Lost in traffic, perhaps? 🙂

    I feel an element of shame, however. I’ve not protected and shielded myself as much as I know I should have. I had never even had a boyfriend until I was 24 years old. All I’d ever wanted was exactly what you said “wants to get married, have lots of sex with my husband, and have kids.” The pain of rejection and feeling like something must be wrong with me, combined with putting myself in places I shouldn’t have been, ultimately led to a relationship with a guy who didn’t love the Lord and didn’t value those things like I did. Technically and physically I’m still a virgin, but in my soul I know I did things in that relationship that God viewed with displeasure and there isn’t a day that goes by I don’t wish I had been more patient. But I will not let Satan defeat me with my shame and regret. I know my Heavenly Father heard my cry and plea for His forgiveness… if only I could forgive myself.

    I can’t wait to get your book and read it, adding to my arsenal of ways to protect myself and make sure that I stay pure for my future husband (lost in traffic though he may be). God bless you for being so open and honest…. you’ll never know how many lives you touch and how many women you help to stay strong! 🙂

    Love in Christ,


    • Lindsey Isham
      October 21, 2009


      I can totally relate. The waiting, the shame, etc… I know what you are going through. It was only recently that I was finally able to forgive myself for my sins in past relationships. Here is what I had to realize: God’s forgiveness is good enough for me to accept, so that is exactly what I must do: accept it. See, when we don’t allow ourselves to be forgiven by god, we are essentially saying that His forgiveness is not enough.
      Hard stuff to swallow, I know, but please talk to God about this more so you can finally live without all that guilt. It is so freeing.


  • Man Alert
    October 9, 2009

    Ok Linds, I just caught you on a rare HD channel so checking you out here. I must ask, how should a guy tactfully pick up on a young lady in church? Its not much time each week, so when you meet someone attractive, a guy has to be a little more forward to turn that spark into a decent camp fire. I mean over the course of 2-4 weeks, a slow play at church will put my, ‘I wonder if she always goes to the early service’ girl, into the arms of another man in an isle 4 after church grocery cart collision. Church really doesn’t seem to be much of an opportunity to meet a young Christian woman. What? yes. I am still a hottie at 35. I have managed to make a fine (though debatable:) reputation of myself among my peers whereever I go in life. I still want someone much younger, but wherever I go to church, the girls/women are either in highschool, or are married. Seriously, there is a big generation gap of women in there 20s in church. I have never seen them in Kansas City and now I am at mile marker 35 and am hoping for some very dangerous curves ahead. For the record, I am a 35 year old card carrying member to club V. Jonny. In KC.

  • Ykay
    October 11, 2009

    Am a 25yr old virgin, @ times i feel so alone, but i always try to remind myself that He that has brought me this far did not do so just to leave me alone. where are the good guys, the believers? @ times it seems as if i am not facing reality, as if the ‘bad girls’ get it all and the rest of us are dreamers …………………………………..

    • Lindsey Isham
      October 21, 2009

      Please remember that you are not alone. Just like when Elijah thought that he was the only person who still worshipped God (see 1 Kings 17-19 and in particular 19:14-18), and God showed him otherwise, let me encourage you as well.

      You are not alone. I will pray that God will bring you at least one friend who will stand by you and encourage you in your stance. Be strong, never give up, and don’t base your decisions on what you feel, but on what the Word of God says. He is always with you to help and strengthen you. I was made fun of my whole life simply because I wouldn’t have sex (or do anything with guys)… But praise the Lord for keeping me pure.
      Good guys, godly guys, amazing guys… they exist. Speaking from experience, God wants to hook you up, so continue to be the woman described in Proverbs 31:12 – the kind of woman who does her husband good and not harm all the days of your life- especially while you are single.



  • Khari
    October 16, 2009

    Just want to chime in as a dude who’s with you in this fight. I’m 38 and holding true to the virginity pledge I made in my mid-20s. Stay strong, sisters!

    • Lindsey Isham
      October 21, 2009

      Awesome news! Keep on keepin’ on. God will reward your faithfulness! Galatians 6:9.


  • Crystal
    November 9, 2009

    I was browsing at the local christian bookstore and came across your bright pink book and picked it up to check it out. I read the first sentence and knew that I had to buy it. I am about to be 32 and it is a blessing to know that I am not the only horny (yes, I can admit it) virgin there is. Thank you so much for sharing your struggles and strategies.

    Your Sista in Christ,

    • Lindsey Isham
      November 10, 2009

      I am glad to know I am not the only one either! ha 🙂

  • Amanda
    January 11, 2010

    I have read your book and as I was reading I kept thinking “this is so me!” It made me so excited to know that there was someone out there going through the same things I am. I laughed when I read the part about the guys reactions because I know the look!! As I was reading this I thought of so many people that needed to read it, including the teens in my family and my church! I believe I may be buying more copies to give out as gifts!! Thank you so much for your words of encouragement!

  • Courtney
    April 7, 2010

    I also read a preview of your book (40 pages in like an hour) on Google Books. Then I bought the book immediately after. It’s about time people were honest and aware that all people (even “nice” virginal Christian girls ) are tempted and VERY curious about sex. I look forward to reading the rest of the book. Btw, I’m 20 and already have my mind set on marriage but I know that if I’m meant for marriage then a Christian man is the way to go. I will wait for him faithfully.

    • Lindsey Isham
      April 14, 2010

      Hey Courtney,

      Thanks so much for writing me and sharing your heart with me! How encouraging your testimony is! I will pray for you and pray for others who will support you and encourage you in your decision… everyone needs a good friend who will encourage godly behavior when it comes to our relationships with men.

      God bless you Courtney!

      Lindsey N. Isham

  • Rosanna
    April 8, 2010

    your book is by far one of my favorite reads! its very inpowering and insightful. im 23 and still a
    virgin but i was very unsure if it was by choice, when i was younger i had many a negative
    influences and comments thrown at me and while my family was very loving and supportive,
    when it came to romance it was just basiclly take whatever is thrown at you and don’t ask
    questions. it was a wonder to me that i have reamained pure, but for some reason i always felt
    in my heart that God has been protecting me from all the pain that my friends unfortunatly are
    going through now for compromising themselves and after reading your book it has spurred my desires to wait till marriage and develope an even deeper relationship with God more then anything, thank you so much for writing this book and i hope you write more 😀

    • Lindsey Isham
      April 14, 2010

      Aww, thank you Rosanna! What a blessing your message was to me today! Praise the Lord for keeping you safe and sexually pure! He really is so good to us. As you know, this choice to wait isn’t easy, and it definitely gets harder, but we serve a good God; a loving God; a kind God. He has the best in store for you! Continue to trust Him even when things don’t turn out the way you thought it would… He loves you so much!


  • B. A. Wulf
    November 14, 2010

    Do you agree with Christine O’Donnell, and do you follow her suggested lifestyle? Do you think she is right, or wrong, in her views? Thanks,

    B. A. Wulf

    • Lindsey Isham
      November 15, 2010

      Can you be a bit more specific please?


  • B. A. Wulf
    November 15, 2010

    Okay. In the 1990’s, she was on MTV with a group called SALT, and she had specific ideas
    about purity which raised a few eyebrows. Clearly she would fit into every one of your ideas, but is even more ascetic in her views than many (if not all) practicing virgins are today. Her ideas concerning virgin sexuality were diametrically opposed to those of the one-time surgeon general, Dr. Jocelyn Elders. So, in reference to the difference of opinion that these two women hold, do you support the views of Christine O’Donnell or those of Dr. Elders?

    Which do you support, and why do you feel like the other one is wrong?

  • B. A. Wulf
    November 17, 2010

    Would you rather email me? I am on a Mac computer, which is not configured for Apple email (I don’t use that service; I am on Yahoo), so I cannot read your email address without configuring my system to use that system.

    So I cannot send you an email until you send me one first.


    B.A. Wulf

  • B.A. Wulf
    November 19, 2010

    I finished your book today, and realized you had answered my question on page 162, under subsection #2.

  • B. A. Wulf
    December 2, 2010

    I have been a virgin for 49 years, but I could not have done it as ascetically as you recommend it. You really should think about others out there in the world who, although they are virgins, can not live without a physical self-release of some kind. I do not agree with you in that regard. I know that there is no biblical condemnation for such release, and any condemnation that there is has been read into it through fundamentalist interpretations. I want you to think about those who wish to remain pure, but who cannot live without satisfying their own needs. They are just as virginal as you are, and just as pure. Yet you don’t give the subject but one word in your entire book, and that is in a negative tone. You
    should encourage these people before they throw up their hands and say, ‘what’s the use?’

    Maybe your next book could be about that! But don’t try and make them all like you are. You
    apparently don’t need anything, at all. And that is great… for you. But not for the rest of us!

    B.A. Wulf

  • Kate
    December 20, 2010


    I just read your book and loved it! I am currently a college senior and am a virgin still as well by choice. It’s been difficult because almost every single person I have loved and trusted have compromised their morals, making me at times feel very alone in my beliefs. When I was in a bookstore with my mom I happened to see your book and was curious by the title and the more I read what it was about I knew I would be interested and bought it! It was great to finally hear about a girl practicing abstinence and being a firm believer in it, nice going! Guys have always wanted me to compromise my morals it seems but I see that there truly is a bigger picture that God has intended for us and that I don’t want to be like the rest of the girls out there who give it up before marriage. It’s kinda cool for me to see this challenge as being brave and not being like the rest of the girls, by following God’s intended plan. I’m just so glad you are speaking about this and your realistic approach to speaking about God’s word!

    • Lindsey Isham
      January 11, 2011

      Hi Kate!

      Great to hear that God spoke to you through my book… I put so much effort, prayer, time, and research into that!

      I pray that God will let you see some of the blessings of waiting and continue to strengthen and encourage you to be bold and loving in your convictions too!
      Keep me posted!


  • Renee Johnson
    February 10, 2011


    I am SO encouraged by you, your testimony, and how you’re so brutally honest. We need MORE like you!!!


    • Lindsey Isham
      February 19, 2011

      Thanks Renee! You are such a blessing too! I can’t wait to see how your ministry takes off!

      Stay in touch.


  • brook
    March 6, 2011

    Lindsey, Thank you so much for sharing your heart’s desire in this book. I am teaching a group of high school girls at my church and we just started your book. We are in SC and would love to hear you speak. Do you plan to visit the south east anytime? So excited to see what God does with these girls. God bless you in your venture.

    • Lindsey Isham
      March 8, 2011

      Hey Brook!

      Thank you so much for your encouragement! I am so blessed that my book can be used as a tool to reach your young women! Tell those awesome ladies that I believe they are worth waiting for! I would love to hear any updates or funny/awkward discussions that come from your group reading my book. 🙂

      Also, I am speaking at a father/daughter conference in April in Houston, but that’s as far as I am currently scheduled outside of San Diego for awhile. If your church is open to hosting me, I would love to come!

      Brook, despite what the girls chose to do/not do, never get tired of doing what is right in God’s eyes – Galatians 6:9!


  • Heather
    September 16, 2011

    Hey Lindsey,

    I read a preview of your book online and can’t wait to get it. It’s like you wrote it just for me! I’ve had the same thoughts as you. I am 22, a sophomore in college and its very tough being a virgin but I am proud to say that I am and I’m remaining strong. Two of my friends had accidental pregnancies and many of my friends who have had sex before marriage say sex is great but that they regret not waiting. That just encourages me to keep going and stay strong for God and my future husband. I am looking forward to picking up your book ASAP! 🙂 It definitely is encouraging to see someone going through the same things as me and that it is normal what we are dealing with no matter how hard it is sometimes.

    • Lindsey Isham
      October 5, 2011

      Great to hear from you Heather! I will be praying for you… NEVER get tired of doing what is right in GOD’s eyes. Galatians 6:9
      Keep in touch and let me know how you are doing!


  • Oladeji A
    December 2, 2011

    Hi lindsey! I am a 24 yrs old Nigerian guy. its really great to have read ur book a couple days back. While reading ur book, I easily could understand while the focus is on the lady, of course, u ‘re a lady and u were basically sharing ur xperience. But, i would have loved that u say something pointedly about the possibility of guys being virgins, or do u blieve is just about d girl, as so many people say (especially guys), since there isn’t any physical proof of virginity for a guy, Anyway, I am a Virgin, not bcause i am not attracted to beautiful girls around me, nor is it because i do not relate well with the opposite sex-i’m very free with girls. I cherish this special ‘specie ‘ of humans, so on purpose i decide not to mess around with them. I have a sister and cousins (ladies) that i love so much, and as much as i do not wish guys messing around with them, and as a matter of fact , i abhor the thought even for a second, then u can see why i’m ready not to mess around wit girls who sure are other people’s sisters- and again i’m a christian who blives wat the bible teaches me dat i should do unto others what i will like them do to me. I agree with lots of what u said in ur book. God has not said abstain from sex, but he only said -DONT HAVE WIT SOMEONE U’RE NOT MARRIED TO’. I blive people should be ‘consoled’ in this and should be ready to give there spouse the gift of having sex only wit them. Lindsey, i pray 4 the perfect man 4 u soon- and also pray he is avirgin just as u are, as i also wish 4 myself a godly, beautiful lady who is a virgin. I trust God for this. God bless u! (note my email, as i would like 2 sustain contact wit u)

    • Lindsey Isham
      December 27, 2011

      Hi Oladeji!

      Thank you for writing and for obeying God… your faith has encouraged me and probably everyone you know. The book is definitely marketed toward women, but it is a very important subject for men as well.

      Thank you for your thoughts and for writing, God bless you!

  • Robyn Norwood
    March 21, 2012

    Wow! I love your website and I love your ministry. I am an author as well (Help meet for the soul:Encouragement for God’s People) and my writing focuses on the ministry of helps. I saw your book on the Family Christian website and I will be purchasing a copy. I have finally come across someone who thinks the way I do and what I love is that you keep it real! Many people think that women don’t want sex as much as men, but that’s not true at all we’re just pursuing holiness and choose to wait. I am a 24 yr.old virgin and I’ve become so set in my ways that I’m totally comfortable holding on until my prince charming finds me. It’s NOT always easy, but I can wait because God gives me the grace to do that. God bless you.

    • Lindsey Isham
      December 10, 2012

      Praise God for women like you, Robyn!

      I know tons of men and women who feel like they are alone in this battle for purity, so it is great to hear that you too are standing firm!


  • Jake
    August 12, 2012

    I’m a thirty year old virgin and I am totally miserable. I feel like I have missed out on so much and I have wasted my 20’s which are apparently the best years of one’s life. I don’t feel God is being good to me or looking out for me. Going so long without touching or being touched is unhealthy. If that’s what I wanted out of life I might as well be in prison.

    • Lindsey Isham
      December 9, 2013

      Hi Jake,

      It sounds like your focus may be in the wrong place. God is so good and He loves you so much. Today I encourage you to find things that you are thankful for and start thanking God for those things (out loud). Ask Him to show you how much He loves you as you read the Bible, drive to the store, go for a walk, hang out with friends.

      When we take our focus off of God and put it on ourselves, what we think we need, want, etc., our perspective becomes cloudy and we can’t see how blessed we really are. If you are a believer, and it sounds like you are, remember that you were created to bring glory to God. Never get tired of living a life that does just that.

      Maybe it would be helpful for you to find an older man in your church to mentor you and talk with you to help you through this rough time.


  • Michelle
    December 5, 2012

    I accidentally happened upon your blog. But wow!! I am so encouraged by it. I was a virgin until I got married- and that wasn’t until I was 27. My husband was too and he was almost 30! We made that decision a long time ago and were tempted many, many times. I want to encourage all of you ladies that it is TOTALLY worth it!! It is absolutely the way God has it planned and we have certainly been blessed. Know you aren’t alone even when it seems that way. May God bless you all!!

    • Lindsey Isham
      December 10, 2012

      Thank you so much, Michelle! What a breath of fresh air!

      I recently got married, woot woot, and I am so happy.
      Every day I thank God for keeping me pure and for giving me such an amazing husband.

      God really just wants to bless us, all we have to do is trust him!


  • Carol
    February 4, 2013

    Wow! I love this about you! You are one in a million! Stay strong and true! He’s out there somewhere.

  • Marilou
    March 31, 2013

    Touche. Sound arguments. Keep up the good effort.

  • Katie
    May 5, 2014

    My husband and I started dating in 8th grade…due to the military moving his dad around, we decided to stick together and stay celibate until marriage. 8 years later, we tied the knot knowing we had done the right thing. We’ve been married a little under a year now and I can honestly say I don’t that decision one bit. It’s definitely tough but totally worth it in the end. Thanks for the inspiration to others, it’s great to know we’re not alone!!

    • Lindsey Isham
      March 3, 2015

      Waiting is worth it for so many reasons. Way to go! I know how hard it is. 🙂

  • Jennifer
    July 5, 2014

    Lindsey, I thought your book was beautiful in many ways. I only wonder why since you’ve been married do you barely comment about your marriage, specifically. This is at the very foundation of this value system. It’s important to convey your experiences now that you’re married after living your young adult life in celibacy. Not expecting you to talk about your sex life but, rather, to talk about how your choices have impacted the marriage you have and how step-motherhood is going. Do you plan to have children of your own, etc. In essence, to share some of the life you have since marriage so those following this path can see the image of the gift to come. That’s what’s missing and wish you could share.

    • Lindsey Isham
      July 29, 2014

      Hi Jennifer,

      Thank you for your comments. I totally agree with you. But instead of me coming fresh out of the gates of marital status and talking about how much I know about married life, I wanted to give myself some time to take it all in. I jumped into a lot: a husband and two young boys. I needed time, that and I had no time. 🙂 I am ready to write now, so stay tuned for articles to come…


  • Anonymous
    July 18, 2014

    I’m reading your book and I really admire what you’re doing! I’m also a young Christian woman saving herself for marriage and it’s so good to read about someone else with the same experiences… I hate it when people imply that women don’t have sexual urges like men do or imply that sex is always bad/immoral. Women have urges just as men do and sex is great in marriage. It’s hard waiting but I don’t think you can enjoy sex unless you do it guilt-free and where God would want it i.e. in marriage. Also if sex is ubiquitous when it loses meaning/value. If someone has sex all the time with different people how much can it actually mean to them? I’ve known so many guys who have tried to pressure me/automatically assume because I’m white I must be easy. I have always refused to do anything intimate and have no regrets. I wish there would be more young people who would see things this way.

What do you think?

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *