Meeting Men: Where Are All the Good Ones?


meeting-menDoes it ever feel like all the “good ones” are taken?

If they aren’t taken, they are in hiding. Where do you find a good guy?  When I think of meeting  single, godly, handsome men, I think of the last time I played hide & seek with my nephew.

Two years ago my nephew, Jaden, came to visit me in California. I love when he visits me! A few of us decided to play hide and seek. At first I hid in easy-to-find spots because I wasn’t sure how good he would be at the game. We took turns hiding and for the last round, I got to hide. I am good at hiding.

I found the best spot ever! I snuck into the office and managed to wedge myself under a side table that had a table linen on it.

I actually didn’t think that my spot was that good, but after hiding for thirty minutes and still not being found, I realized it was a very good spot.

The “seekers” came in and out of the room twice, but no one found me.  Once my nephew even lifted up the table cloth, but I lifted up my feet so he wouldn’t see me. When they were sick of looking for me, they walked around the house yelling, “Linds, time to come out now.” When I came out and told them where I was hiding we all thought it was funny.

Sometimes meeting men feels like our game of hide & seek. It doesn’t matter who you are, where you live, or what your “type” is, it always feels like men are in hiding. It often seems like “all the good ones are taken.”

Although I don’t expect to find a godly, handsome man in my closet, I do think it should be easier to meet good men.

The next time you think that all the good ones are taken or in hiding, remember my hide-and-go-seek game with my nephew… all the ones in hiding eventually come out, and someday you too will be able to laugh about the journey.

For more information about how to have a Biblical understanding of sex and dating relationships
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No Sex in the City
Lindsey N. Isham

18 Responses
  • amanda!
    October 8, 2009

    wow as a 23 yr old virgin I totally agree.

  • warren
    October 8, 2009

    as a dude looking for a dudett, that is like you or the other women on this blog is impossible, i was trting to settle and the LORD saved me from making a mistake, amen! my friend told me to check this sight out and how blessed to see you have the courage (guts) to live right!!!!!!!!
    and yes your husband will be so blessed. amen. i exhort you in the name of JESUS for all women to stand up and make men accountable to purity, , im Blessed thank you. wk

    • Lindsey Isham
      October 21, 2009


      Never give up, never settle, and never stop doing what is right in God’s eyes! (Gal. 6:9)
      Be the kind of man every woman is praying she will one day marry.

      Thank you for your encouraging words!


  • BoriTico
    October 10, 2009

    Just saw the interview on JCTV… I pray God finds you a husband soon… lol. I myself am a 22 year old “VirgMan” and I have to agree that it does feel like the good ones are taken. All the girls I ever meet usually fall into 3 categories: 1. They’re not Christ followers and don’t respond to the Gospel; 2. They’re Christian and have a boyfriend or fiancee or something; 3. They’re Christian don’t want a boyfriend/relationship, are waiting on God, and they have their “I only want to be your friend” Sunglasses on. Now I’m sure there might be more categories but these are the ones that I have dealt with. Sometimes I feel that my Axe Body Spray acts as a female repellant or someting. Just today I let one of my ”friend’s” know that I still had romantic feelings for her and she responded “Oh what? Why?” then followed by “Hum i have no clue what 2 tell u”… she falls into category #3. If it were up to me I would get married right now in a second providing I knew my “imaginary” girlfriend for over a year and already making sure that she was a woman of God. Unfortunately I still have a ways to go before I finish college and I am currently not able to afford a wife (no car, no apartment) until then I hope that God can keep me in his perfect will, I just pray that he brings my wife by the age of 27 so that I can be done with abstinence and finally be fruitful and multiply (but please no kids for the first 5 years… hehehe)… sorry about the essay and enjoy your journey.

    P.S.: I think John Gray might still be available, don’t know if he’s your type but here is his hilarious stand up that he did concerning the virgin topic

    • Lindsey Isham
      October 21, 2009

      Well, I can totally relate to your situation. Dang, I hate to say it, but it totally gets harder too… well, sometimes… most times 🙂
      Keep standing strong, flee temptation- don’t flirt with it- and God will bless you for your obedience. Never get tired of doing what is right.
      Galatians 6:9

      Oh, and keep praying for my future husband, I need all the prayer I can get! ha, ha.

  • winnie oyaro
    January 9, 2010

    am from kenya and a university student am 21 and very proud to be a virgin!just want to tell thanks for being a wonderful role model.even when pressure becomes too much i look yp to you for strength thanx.

  • Still Waiting
    January 25, 2010

    I love this comparison! Waiting for the right guy can feel like a very long (sometimes frustrating!) game of hide and seek. Sometimes I feel like I’m under that table, and my future man has just lifted up the tablecloth, but he still can’t see me. I wish I could jump up and say “You found me!” but obviously, that’s not how the game works. Other days I think that maybe the right guy for me just doesn’t understand the game… like he’s hiding, and I’m hiding, and we’re both sitting in our hiding spots, waiting for the other one to find us… little do we know, nobody’s doing the ‘seeking’.
    Anyway, it is amazing to hear that you’ve stayed pure, holy, sex-free, virgin, whatever you want to call it…. you’re a great role model to many!

  • Nick
    January 27, 2010

    That John Gray video is freakin hilarious..

  • Alyia
    January 28, 2010

    Yes, I totally agree that it feels like all the good Christian guys are taken or hiding. And I am so excited to see some young men on here Waiting! You have increased my faith even more in waiting on a holy, godly, & pure man. I am a 26 year old virgin and I am definitely waiting on the Lord to send me my Man of God. We do not have to go out searching in churches or clubs looking for a mate.The Lord will bring our mates across our paths. When I get impatient I have to remind myself that my timing is not God’s timing. He wants what is best for us…the hard part is Waiting on it. We are Worth the Wait! Lindsey, I am really enjoying your book and I encourage you to stay strong in this season of your life. He will give you the desires of your heart.

  • Fii
    April 4, 2010

    I’m 24 and I’m still waiting. I feel like maybe I need to change my scene to find the type of man I want and need. Having been in a college setting for many years, most of the guys I’ve been dealing with are not not godly and are definitely more interested in sex than anything else. This troubled me for a while because I really thought there was something wrong with me. But I know that what I want for my life is more than just sex for sex’s sake – or sex in the hope that it will make a man like me more. Some don’t even know that I’m a virgin, but the moment they realize they won’t get sex from me they bolt. I’m starting to realize and accept that that’s they’re issue, not mine. I’m happy that my mindset is changing and I’ll be gearing toward the type of man I should have been looking for all along. And while it may not be easy, it’s sure better than settling for these morally undesirable men any day.

    I laugh when you say you want a good, godly, handsome man. Because I’ve been having this debate with many people – many sexually active people, which is probably why my argument goes on deaf ears. But especially men, seem to think that when a woman wants and attractive man, that she’s being shallow. And I’m just thinking. Shoot, if I’m going to be waiting this long to be married so I can have sex, my husband had *better* be attractive. har har.

    I can’t wait to pick up your book.

    • Lindsey Isham
      April 5, 2010

      You know he’s got to be hot right! 🙂

      Well, he’s got to be hot to you, that is. God is so cool the way He wired each of us and made us look a certain way, and has hard-wired things in us that we are attracted to… Think about this on the bigger scale… God is in charge of hooking up millions of Christian marriages everywhere for over 4,000 years…

      Um, I think I can trust that He wants me to be attracted to my man and actually like the thought of sex!

      Praise the Lord… Praise the Lord.

      Keep standing strong and I would love to hear from you after you read the book!


  • Star
    September 2, 2010

    I believe that God brings different types of people in our lives for us to learn and to grow. Sometimes the bad seeds teach us what we do & do not deserve. If a Christian who is truly living for God prays for a spouse; God will bring the two together in his perfect timing. And YES of COURSE he has to be a hottie!!!!! haha……Keep the Faith ya’ll & Stay Blessed!! xox

    Proud to be a 23yr old virgin!!

  • Mae
    January 7, 2011

    Lindsey, I don’t know. I am a 20 year old who has vowed to save sex for marriage before God, and as a promise to myself as well. I have never been in a relationship either, and even in that I feel alone sometimes. I am attractive, and the first thing that people usually say is, “Do you a boyfriend?”. And, being that I have never been in a relationship, sometimes I feel very embarrassed to even answer these types of questions. I’ve gone out and hung out with guy friends, and I am sure they know why I wouldn’t date. (I think so anyway.) Anyway, I know that I am not the “oldest” person that you’ve heard from and so, people who read this are probably gonna go, “Oh. you’re young, you don’t have to worry about that yet.” At the same time, I do worry about it, in this generation, it’s not quite normal to have never been in a relationship being in college when kids start dating in junior high! Then there’s a passage that I have studied on my own that sorta explains these desires for a relationship, I don’t know if you have studied it yet or not, Genesis 3:16- ” I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” Focus on the second half of the verse. Anyways, I am beginning to type away so much that I might miss my question for you, and that is : What if God has called you to never have sex? What if His will for you is to never marry? How would you respond to that?…

    I am picking up your book through Amazon. =)

    God bless you Lindsey, and no kidding aside, I will pray that you do find God’s perfect man for you and soon! 😉

    • Lindsey Isham
      January 11, 2011


      I totally understand what you are going through… let me write an article in response, okay?

      You are awesome; keep your head up girl!
      God has some amazing things in store for you!


  • Aaron Logan
    June 28, 2011

    Ok, so I know I’m WAY late to the discussion on this one, but I read it recently and had a couple thoughts.

    I’ve heard girls say that it seems like “all the good ones are taken” (and you mentioned it more than once in your article), and it makes me wonder….is that because of what girls are attracted to? When a guy is willing to pursue a woman, commit to a relationship, and take responsibility for a marriage and a family…..girls find that attractive, correct? (A lot of guys don’t know that women find that attractive btw, b/c we are wired so different.) Could it be that men who are already in a relationship appear more attractive to women for that very reason? They’ve shown they were willing to pursue and commit? Not that women want to steal them from the relationship they are already in. I don’t mean that at all. I just mean, maybe girls see a guy in a relationship like that and they think, “Why can’t a guy like THAT come into my life and pursue ME that way?” I’m just thinking that maybe its due to the issue of WHAT women are attracted to? I could be wrong. Just wanted to bring it up as a question.

    There is also the issue that the really good ones are going to be few and far between, any way you look at it. So you ultimately have to just trust the Lord to make it happen. Oh, and I would also add this……if you say to a single guy that “all the good ones seem to be taken” I can guarantee he will think to himself, “That’s not true. I’M not taken and I’M one of the good ones!” Every guy thinks he’s one of the good ones (myself included). Haha It’s true though.

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